He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
