i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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