Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
