Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
