Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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