You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
