Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
