Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
