Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
