scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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