my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i drank out of a bidet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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