so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
