I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
either way he was missing a nipple.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
