porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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