So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
