break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
