Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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