Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
