What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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