the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
