I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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