Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
