is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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