Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sext me about skeletons
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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