sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
