I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
