umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
