took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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