census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
