I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
