i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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