Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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