Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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