They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
