It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
