in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
