Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I believe in your delicious
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize