If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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