New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize