his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
