just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
