I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
