I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
