the condom got lost in my hair
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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