I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
