I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
