This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
