he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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