the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
