Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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