Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
