I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
