remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
this hospital has no fireball
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
