he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize