I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
