Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Operation Purity has been aborted
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
