The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
