I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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