Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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