I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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