I just saw a hot homeless man
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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