Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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