Please, let me fuck your mom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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