I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
