ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Less talking, more tequila
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
