Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
