I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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