How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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