if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I made him laugh his dick is mine
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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