It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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