Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
